uncertainty...3 years later.

“For my part I know nothing with any certainty, but the sight of the stars makes me dream.”

So, I found this quote from VanGogh. It made me think that there really isn't any certainty to life. I mean, yes, lots of people get up in the morning and their odds are a lot better than others that they will have their morning coffee, catch the same train they have for 15 or so years, pass by that same bum on the street corner, pick up the newspaper and head into their humdrum life that continues on and on. But, like anyone else... things can happen to these people that completely throw off their day too... their chances aren't as good, but their life isn't certain. My chances are definitely not worth betting on...

reminding myself about this uncertainty is somewhat rewarding. No, I don't know where my husband is, I don't know when the next time is I will hear from him, or how long that conversation will continue.. I don't know if I'll ever see him again... let's face it.. things happen in the world. But, what I do know is this... love is a certain thing.

there is no one in the world who can tell another that they love someone... and not think to themselves.. "Do i? Is this love? what is this? " but, when you love someone, it becomes certain. positive. without a doubt. mothers love their children, children love their parents, it is certain... you can deny it, you can turn your head and some may even try to push that away, but it is there.

i suppose that it's late and i'm rambling and somewhat ashamed because I haven't photographed today...(except this gigantic Deli Sandwich I ordered earlier that will "certainly" feed me for a few meals ) but, certainty is a more made up thing that love. love is a feeling, and it is not tangible, just as certainty, but one thing is certain... only you can feel your emotions.. no one else can change that.... your responses to the world around you are yours...

so, certainly, after 3 years, i know what love is.... the uncertain part is when i'll get to see that person again, but hey, at least i'm not riding the same train at the same time everyday... i think this life is one i would prefer rather than monotony and boredom. Some like that, it's not for me.

what is crazy is how much your life can change in 3 years. i have moved/lived at 6 different addresses, not to mention how many hotel rooms halfway between us and countless hours in the car we have spent calling anywhere home. Kris and I have shared a single bedroom with him and I and the dog.... we have moved all of our worldly belongings in a car leaving everything else behind... we have lived apart from anywhere between 4 to 8 hours, and successfully made it through. i'm not quite sure, mathematically speaking, when we will have spent more time together at a "home" than car rides and traveling and living apart... maybe when we retire. with no one else have i ever had to share a single bed with him and the dog, and still been laughing the entire time, and for no one else would I drive in 110 degree weather with no a/c in my first trimester in DC traffic, taking a trip that normally lasts 3.5 hours and turning it into 6 (god, i love DC). sometimes i laugh thinking of all the times we have snapped pictures just to remind ourselves of that day and how happy we were in that instant, but looking at the whole picture someone else would think that was insane! like riding back from a broken down car, a funeral, or even the saddest day when one of us was sick or in the hospital... we like to remember these moments, because they make you grow stronger, it's moments like this that youlook back and say... "we made it"


there's some things that are completely and totally unexplainable and more uncertain than anything in life, and love... is a definite uncertainty.

Well, Mr. Van Gogh, you've got it right... the stars are there, I would much rather just dream with them rather than try to make sense out of any of this life. keep your uncertainty coming, it really intrigues me.... i enjoy growing, learning, uncertainly.