When you grow up and move out of your comfort zone you always long to go "home". You know that home really isn't what you think of it. Much like kids think things are huge when they're small. It's all relative. When you go to the place you spend some of your childhood years, you are reminded at how much you miss that place... i don't think it's because you miss that place i think it's truly you just miss being young.
the innocence of staring at people in public or blowing kisses to strangers. I love to watch Clara while we are in public to see what catches her eye. is it the person across the room who sneezes too loud or the waitress with crazy nail polish, perhaps it's even a person who has a phone in their hand and she thinks they're taking her photo (dunno where she gets that from) but when we go outside, it's always the birds. SHe will sign "bird" and point and yell and try to get down and run towards them.... and to the regular person, you may never even see what she is talking about and trying so hard to communicate, but to her, those birds are what she looks for and watches and they make her so happy. this is what going home is all about. the little things that you really loved when you were small.
my hope for her is that she doesn't have a "home"....crazy to say??? yes.
I don't want her to say "this is home" or "i grew up here" I want her to grow in all things. to see the world as her home. when you have a background that is whole and full then you have the ability to accept more things.... not following me? i'll help...
...I want our daughter to accept everything. i have just recently started to do this...it's a way of not seeing that things are different and shunning them, but accepting them as your life. that waitress with the funny colored nails, she's her own self, she's not different, but part of your world. i'm not too sure if someone will say this is a certain religion or type of understanding, but i want her to see everything and accept that that is the way people are.... pushing someone away and calling them weird isn't going to make them change, it's only going to make you not accept them... accepting that people are who they are, in turn helps you to realize who you are. yes, some people are funny and different and that's okay, but accept that and be happy and learn about yourself through them. no, i don't really care for nail polish, but there was a time when i used to paint my nails every night... phases, whole-ness and your world... make the world your home... not a specific type of place. if there is love and family, there is a home and the world will give you that.
so yes, i still love the smell of bacon frying in the morning when i go to my dads or blueberry muffins at my moms and i'm learning about dough-cakes at my in-laws house.... and those things do always make you feel good... but home is what you make of it....it's not a place or items that exist, you exist in it.
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